We've Still Got Time.

Family. That's a word I thought I understood the full extent of. This past week I have spent time with my family in Texas. It was the most special, and eye opening eleven days of my life. Never have a felt so cared for, so appreciated, so idolized, so complimented, so encouraged, so important, so loved. Love. Now there is another word I obviously wasn't completely acquainted with. I always knew how much my family loved me, but had I ever really understood fully, or felt how much love was there with my whole heart? No. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm an adult now, and I see, hear, know, and feel much more than I used to. Five years have passed since the last time I was with everyone, and when I walked into every door for the first time this past week, it was like time had stood still. Everything was exactly the same! Everyone still loved me and my family unconditionally. There is something so special about being in a room full of thirty plus people and feeling so comfortable with who you are, and loving every single person in that room equally and so passionately, and knowing that they feel exactly the same way about you. I am so lucky to have such a beautiful, talented, and loving family. I regret and am jealous that I haven't been there with you all for most of my life, but I've come to the realization that with family, time is no object. You can be gone twenty years and come back, and feel as if you never left. I don't think that is something all families contain. We're unique. We're the best!

This trip is exactly what I needed to set my mind straight. I've felt empty, and I wasn't sure why. Now I know exactly what my heart was missing. All of you. It's because I didn't have my family, and that love you all give so generously, and so genuinely. I just want to take the time and let each one of you know how special you all are to me, and how I will be eternally grateful for all the support and love you have shown my family. I love you all more than life itself, and I would do absolutely anything for any one of you.

Now is my current predicament, and biggest decision. Well, at this point it's not much of a decision, it's more of a when and how. I know I belong in Texas. My heart is there; you all are there. With you all by my side I feel like I can move mountains. Families are forever, and I now fully understand that!

Something I didn't realize until driving home today, were the meaning behind the lyrics of the song, "Falling Slowly" that Travis and I sang. Here are the Lyrics:

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Today in the car I was thinking about how I have dealt with so much crap in my life, my mother too, and how it's time we move back to where our soul will be forever ingrained. Texas. We've faced so many trials, and we need to go back to our roots, where we're ourselves, and where we're happy. Experiencing life with the people who love us most. These lyrics basically sum up how I feel about leaving Wisconsin. I need to turn my sinking boat home to you all. We have suffered a lot, and it's time we are able to rest, and be at ease. I know being with family will do just that. I know life will still have it's roller coaster ups and downs, but the thing is, is that with family, all of those roller coaster carts on that ride will be full, because we're all in it together. We support each other through thick and thin. That's not something you find in every family, and it's definitely something we should take pride in. I'm so lucky to have been put on this earth with a family like ours.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense. It's 1:10am , I'm the only one awake at Ashna's house, and we're leaving for Wisconsin at 6am. I just wanted to kind of express how I have felt about this whole trip, and how my heart is in not in Wisconsin anymore. My heart is with all of you. I hope you know that, because nobody could ever replace each and everyone of you.

I love you all more than you'll ever comprehend.

-Jessica