Wisconsin Pros:
-I go to school right out of high school.
-I'm in a wonderful music program.
-I am comfortable here with where I'm at.
-My mom is here.
-I'm in the top studio for vocal performance at UWEC.
-I have a place to stay next year where I wouldn't be intruding on someones life in Texas.
- I'd begin a successful music career right away.
Texas Pros:
-The people I love most are there.
-I have a place to stay.
-I can save up money for college.
-I can attend the U of H in the Fall of 2011
-More opportunities for performance.
- I'd be so happy. So incredibly happy.
- A lot of people wait a year before beginning college.
- I feel so loved. I've never felt that way before in my life.
Wisconsin Cons:
- I don't feel like this is my home.
- There aren't many opportunities for performing around here.
- My family isn't here.
- I think I need a change.
- Travis leaves in a year, and then for two years.
-I don't have a car here. I need that.
-I need to save money for rent.
- I'm not very happy here.
- All I think about is coming down there next year.
Texas Cons:
-No school for a year. I could lose my skill at singing.
-I'd have to intrude on someones home and live there for a year.
- My friends in Wisconsin probably wouldn't approve on me leaving.
- My mom doesn't approve either. I know that. I understand that. She cares about me.
-What if I don't make it into U of H a year late because of lack of effort in high school. I won't have a year of college under my belt to prove to them that my high school transcript is an inaccurate representation of my education.
- I'm scared to leave familiarity.
Those are just a few things that I've been thinking about. I'm sure there are plenty more, but I just don't know what to do. The thing is, I know what feels right, and that's picking up and leaving. That's what my heart is telling me to do. But is that a good idea? Who knows. It's really wide open at this point. Yes, in Wisconsin, I have that security of college this upcoming fall, I have that security of knowing exactly what is to come, and exactly where and when and what is going to happen in my life. That all sounds too perfect, right? That's what I thought too. I don't know if that lifestyle is for me. But at the same time, how am I to deny the wonderful opportunity I have here? I'm worried about my mom too. She really thinks I need to stay here for a year. I think she'd get very upset and probably tell me how leaving when you have something so great ahead of you is the worst thing you can do. You know, thinking about it through solely that perspective, yeah, it does sound like an absolutely horrible idea. But to me, thinking about what I would have if I was in Texas; being surrounded by love, and support, and complete happiness, and knowing that whatever happens to me, I have a giant family pillow to fall back on. That, that is what sounds so heavenly to me. That is what I want more than anything. There are so many pros and cons to this situation. Probably more cons than pros in some areas, but it's extremely hard for me to ignore how much I love you all. I'm a strong woman, and I know that taking a year off of college, and then going back would be no problem for me. I know what I'm capable of, and I know that I can do it. The problem is, do I wait to begin my career and begin a whole new chapter of my story? Or do I stay where I am, with what I'm doing, and continue on writing the same chapter? I've never felt so confused, and I've never wanted something so much.
I want you all to know, that the fact that you're even giving me this opportunity, and that you're welcoming me into your homes, or helping me get down to Texas until I get my feet on the ground, is something I can't even fathom. you are all amazing people!
If you guys have any thoughts, I'd really appreciate hearing them. I love you all so much. Sorry if me writing you guys is getting annoying, but I really am confused.
Love always,
Jessica
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